One Liner Jokes – Funny, Dirty Hilarious One Liners

Funny one liner jokes

Let’s refresh our mind with some of the funniest One liner jokes. Thinking fun as a major thing in our life we have collected 50+ funny, dirty and crazy one liners jokes. If you friend is sad and you wanna see him smiling, laughing getting wild then we guarantee if you send some of the one liner joke from here to your friend he will start laughing out loud for sure. These can be perfect witty one liners or sarcastic to someone or even clever and funny to some of your friends. What ever but these can be the smiley jokes if some of your dear one are sad. Being happy makes us positive and keeps motivated on doing anything. So these collection of one liner puns or you can say one liner status if you want to put them on your social media profile can be refreshing to a new and cheerful day. Enjoy.

Collection of One Liner Jokes – The Hilarious and Funny

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

God must love stupid people. He made so many like you.

Few women admit their age & few men act it.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.

You cannot play with me unless you blow me says Balloon.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the alley late last night?
One was a salted.

Anytime I see an autobiography on the shelf I just skip to the about the author section.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

You cannot taste me, until you undress me says Banana.

You cannot eat me unless you lick me says Ice-cream.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner; all it was doing was gathering dust.

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…

You park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body….men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean there’s one person who enjoys it?

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

I’ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no one will do it.

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A: Snowballs.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Don’t forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I have a parrot and it talks. But it did not say it was hungry, so it died.

What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?
So he could see her crack!

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.

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